Archivo de la etiqueta: love

Sometimes in your life you feel that by supporting someone, you feel that you are always doing the right thing. You justify your actions by satisfying yourself that it’s all for them. But take a moment to actually think about the person that you are helping. Because you need to ask the question “Am I really helping them, or hurting them as well?” Think about it.

Today has been that day for me. There is a person I know that is going through so much in her life I don’t think anyone can really comprehend the pain involved. I as a friend wanted to help by encouragement, laughter and generally by being there when needed. While much goes through one’s head I really wanted to just be a friend and nothing more. I am an adult and would like to think a sensible one. That is until I did something that made her uncomfortable. 

Without going into detail I did some actions that for me are something that shows that I just simply care, its a part of who I am. Nothing more. What I did not take into account was the others feelings. At the time something in the back of my mind couldn’t justify what I did. But by thinking “it’s for them, I am helping” I satisfied that feeling. Quite rightly I was challenged on what I had done and was told by her what she felt. This is the moment that I realised that I became the villain as much as anybody else. By “helping” I had hurt her even more. I had gone beyond what was comfortable…

I guess no matter how much one wants to apologise, and trust me I have to the point that I will now step back completely. If you cannot see through their eyes, you will not help them at all. I know I have ruined a friendship with a beautiful person and I have tainted my soul forever by doing what I believed to be OK. It was not.

From this I have decided that I need to have a good long look at myself. I failed someone today. I spat on all my values, more importantly theirs. Doing things like this blog is currently not appropriate. Not for anybody who quite frankly now deserves nothing, it would just play on my conscience. Maybe one day I will activate it again, maybe change it. But it will never be the same….

Just like me.

MHF